short clean puns one liners

Which country's capital has the fastest-growing population? Ive just written a song about tortillas.Actually, its more of a rap. So what if I dont know what Armageddon means? Footnote: Please send us your clean hilarious one-liners and uproarious yarns. It is broad humor distilled down to its purest form. 100 Funniest Clean Jokes for All Ages to Tell in Any Situation My wife told me to stop speaking in numbers. I once made a lot of money cleaning up leaves. How do you drown a Hipster?In the mainstream. If two people find the same things funny, theyd likely share many common interests as well. One liner tags: life, time, work. You planet. With that in mind, here are 76 super corny one-liners for kids that get to the punchline as quickly as possible. Rad-ish. I told my doctor that I broke my arm in two places. When its ajar. He can't. What do cows do on date night? 18. Rufus always slept with his gun under his pillow. Its just not stroganoff. What did the Buddhist ask the hot dog vendor? One cold winter's morning he was walking along a country road, when he heard a cry for help from a nearby lake. "Ten Dollars" thinks the tramp, "I'm rich! The most vulnerable spot in a group of clowns is the juggler. Two fish are in a tank. } ); No!" "Hey, close the door! The first rule of holes: If you are in one, stop digging. These one-liners are so silly and stupid, you can't help but love them. When hes a dandelion (dandy lion). 63. 3.) A barberqueue. My friend was shot clean through his skull but survived. "TEN DOLLARS!! Did you hear about the perfume that smells of nothing? I didnt think orthopedic shoes would help, but I stand corrected. It's a horn you blow when something's the matter. 27. There was nothing left but de Brie. The past, the present and the future walked into a bar. 13. 6. I think its total non-scents. 2023 Inspirationfeed. 53.) We recommend our users to update the browser. I heard Cinderella tried out for the basketball team, but she kept running away from the ball. 90. Im not sure how I feel about that. 5 smart solutions to help solve annoying problems, starting at $10. 200 Funny, Short Jokes for a Quick Laugh - Parade 76. Its a running joke. Bigfoot is sometimes confused with Sasquatch; Yeti never complains. The ceremony was pretty boring, but the reception was great! These jokes, puns, and one-liners are healthy and good for both the young and old. To get a filling. "Just name your price - I'm a wealthy man. 109 Funny Puns You Can't Help But Smile At Best Life Sure, I drink brake fluid, but I can stop anytime. Why are cats, bad storytellers? Anne Robinson: What insect is commonly found hovering above lakes? Velcro is the ultimate rip-off. Theyre also a great way to get a chuckle out of kids. What kind of tree fits in your hand? My IQ test results came back. 101 Good, Clean Jokes That'll Make You Laugh Your Pants Off - Parade I just found out that I'm colorblind. Mom told son to clean his room. These better be funny! I dont know, but the flag is a big plus. Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things. Nah, it's too cheesy. I wonder if earth makes fun of other planets for having no life. Moses was once a basket case! Whether youre looking to make connections with diverse individuals, or you want to try these jokes on your friends, weve got you covered. 98. It started its own branch. I can transcend dental medication.". He was a little short. Every morning, I announce that Im going running, but then I dont. I mist. A fsh. Some days you're the dog, some days you're the hydrant. How did the picture end up in jail? Archaeologist: someone whose career lies in ruins. A salesperson came into an office one day and said, This computer will cut your workload by 50%! The office manager replied, Great, Ill take two of them!. I heard there were a bunch of break-ins over at the car park. Don't roll your eyes just yet - these Fourth of July jokes and memes may be just the thing to send your visiting relatives into a laughing fit or to add a little liveliness . "Well, if you insist" says the father - "now what will you do with your money? Afterward, they tend to associate that feeling of warmth with their interaction with you. 101 Clean Jokes 1. But they're having trouble installing Windows. So I didn't. A woman asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over. Trying to reduce the enormous amount of laundry associated with kids. She said I wouldnt be able to make it. And the man replies, "Oh, something's wrong everything you sell sucks.". What did the big flower say to the little flower?Hi, Bud!. 8.) 1. His condition is stable. Because if it were 12 inches, it would be a foot. 4.) ", "Well I don't think so sir, but hold on and I'll check", The girl goes into the back of the shop, and searches in the deepest, dustiest filing drawers she can find. I couldnt put it down. "If you have an approach to the world that is rules-based, driven by hierarchy, and threatened by irreverence, then you're not going to like puns," he writes. There - to her amazement -. All I did was take a day off. Why did the sauna go to the doctor? Today, my son asked, "Can I have a bookmark?" Clean Short Jokes, Funny One Line Jokes The machine at the coin factory just suddenly stopped working, with no explanation. If you think of a better fish pun. 23.) I always clean before the cleaning lady comes. He says to the bar man give us a pint and one for the road. One does well to separate one's career from one's life. Hes the new CIEIO. 42. When you share jokes with people and lift their spirits, it leaves an imprint on them. READ THIS NEXT: 101 Actually Funny Clean Jokes for Any Situation. Whats the difference between a hippo and a Zippo? 4. 37. There was no coffin at his funeral. If not, when I come home, I can't find anything. 93.) I cant even count how many times I failed at basic arithmetic. Let minnow. Im not a hard drinker. 20. He says she included her own plastic surgery fees. What did one wall say to the other wall? 96. Get Readers DigestsRead Up newsletter for more humor, cleaning, travel, tech and fun facts all week long. 80. How did the Vikings communicate? One did the T-rex say to the velociraptor? My Fare, Lady. 58. "I've got you covered.". She hit the ceiling! "The Wrinkle Brigade is out in full force.". None of them work. Why should you avoid artists? Why do True Gamerz always wear clean jeans? Some days you're the dog, some days you're the hydrant. 11. 78. You have my Word. I became a vegetarian. I finished the puzzle in six months, even though the box said it would take 4 to 5 years. They planet. That's an insult to both of us!". He goes undercover. Did you hear about that cheese factory that exploded in France? 67. Clean Hilarious One-liners, Jokes and Uproarious Yarns The short fortuneteller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large. It's impossible to put down. You can't tell me that's just a coincidence. Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead-to-know basis. Always speak well of your enemies. 70. 10.) I have a few jokes about unemployed people, but none of them work. They tend to be sketchy. xhr.setRequestHeader('Content-Type', 'text/plain;charset=UTF-8'); When you're finally holding all the cards, why does everyone else decide to play chess? For scrapbooking and party invitations. These one-liners are so silly and stupid, you can't help but love them. xhr.send(payload); A commen-tater. 12.) A chicken crossing the road: poultry in motion. 32. 12. My teachers told me Id never amount to much because I procrastinate. ". For every action, there is an equal and opposite government program. Whats the pirates favorite letter? What did syrup say to the pancake? 33.) ; Shorty McShorts' Shorts: Shorty McShorts' Shorts was a Disney Channel animated anthology series, which consisted of 4-5 minute shorts.It aired from July 28, 2006 to May 25, 2007 . Whats the best way to make an egg roll? Keep this list of clean jokes handy for your next function, and youll be remembered as the funniest one there. 97.) Would a cardboard belt be a waist of paper? Which program do Jedi use to sign their files? I wish the buck stopped here. 99.) So let's all take a break from the world and enjoy some of the best puns aroundguaranteed to make you groan, and then laugh, and maybe even forget all the insanity and jaw-clenching stress in the world, if only for a few minutes. 27. From networking to babysitting to meeting your new partners parents for the first time, there is one fallback that works for every single situation: clean jokes. And if you think so, we can prove you wrong because weve made a compilation of family-friendly yet funny jokes. The lights were too bright at the Chinese restaurant so the manager decided to dim sum. 36. As we strive to learn, work, and become the best versions of ourselves, we easily forget the importance of connecting with others. An assassin. 'I've just been arrested and charged with being the ugliest man in Britain please come down to the police station and prove them wrong. What do you call a well-dressed lion? He was going through a rough patch. My wife told me to stop impersonating a flamingo. Turns out, good players are hard to find. 81.) A cop started crying while he was writing me a ticket. These jokes about aging will have you chuckling. 42.) "Patty. What's every soccer player's favorite beverage? If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation? It takes screen shots.. Ive just written a song about tortillas; actually, its more of a wrap. 110 of the best clean jokes and one-liners to make the whole family laugh 'Crime in multi-storey car parks. What happens to a frogs car when it breaks down?It gets toad away. There were two muffins in an oven, and one said, Its getting hot in here, isnt it? The other muffin gasped, Aah! If you have ever watched the way peoples faces light up upon hearing a joke, then youd know that Victor Borge was right. Why does Snoop Dogg use an umbrella? When does a joke become a Dad joke?When its fully groan. It can come in pretty handy. Really Funny One-Liners. The category does not include ferries or other vessels engaged in short-sea trading, nor dedicated cruise ships . Did you hear about the mathematician who was afraid of negative numbers? Supplies! Why didn't the cat go to the vet? Did you hear about the tree that went into banking? Two men are on opposite sides of the river. Would a fly without wings be called a walk? SendFeedback I used to be a banker, but I lost interest. "Oh dear" said the tramp, "and I was so looking forward to a holiday - I'll probably never get another chance - isn't there anything you can do? Worrying works! 1. (Check out more What Do You Call Jokes.). With the rise of self-driving vehicles, it's only a matter of time before we get a country song where a guy's truck leaves him too. They cant handle the stakes. I guess I could dew it tomorrow. Why dont people play more hide-and-seek? Things got a little tense. Too much sax and violins. What do you call a cow with bad manners? Because they're always plotting something. Press Enter / Return to begin your search. Have some friends over to watch the big game? 53 'Squeaky-Clean' Cleaning Jokes To Wash Your Worries Away - Scary Mommy 24.) Oxymoron: Look at that giant midget settle on the jumbo shrimp. 17.) The journalist revealed why he's leaving. 54.) I went to school to become a wit, only got halfway through. If you had to specify, in one word, why the human race has not, and will never achieve its full potential, that word would be meetings. What do you do with chemists when they die? Whats the difference between a well-dressed cyclist and a scruffy guy on a tricycle? A garbage truck. They have many fans! As I suspected, someone has been adding soil to my garden. What do you get when you cross Sonic The Hedgehog and Curious George?2 Fast 2 Curious. And thats how I lost my job as a bus driver. Patty. I was walking through a quarry I said to the foreman, "That sure is a big rock." 17. I dont suffer from insanity I enjoy every minute of it. If all is not lost, where is it? I just found out the company that produces yardsticks wont be making them any longer. Im so good at sleeping that I can do it with my eyes closed! It was tense. asks the bartender. For an optimal experience visit our site on another browser. I went to the doctor with a suspicious-looking mole. I told them, Just you wait!. Being struck by lightning is really a shocking experience! Why did the turkey cross the road? In the words of famous pianist and conductor Victor Borge, Laughter is the closest distance between two people.. All those who believe in psychokinesis, raise my right hand. Did you hear about the woman who couldnt stop collecting magazines? Its too time-consuming. Milkman, please close the gate behind you because the birds keep pecking the tops off the milk. Did you hear about the cheese factory that blew up in France?There was nothing left but de-Brie! Q.: Where do boats and ships go when they get sick?A. If you like your clean jokes with a side of the cerebral, check out these clever jokes that will make you sound smart. Dont you hate it when someone answers their own question? 5. I used to wonder why Frisbees looked bigger the closer they came And then it hit me. ", What did the sushi say to the bee? Funny one-liners take a sophisticated observation about life or language and reframe it as a slyly dumb joke whose full comic power hits only after your brain unpacks it. A termite walks into a bar. What do you call cheese thats not yours? But instead, he set it on fire [META] Dad jokes should be clean, not just groan-inducing. Its a matter of wife or death. What do you call a murderer with two butts? A ba-na-na-na. It was framed. Work one liners. 34. Whats the best way to plan a party in space? We went out, had a few drinks, saw a movie. 23. 16. 25. What did one DNA say to the other DNA? This phenomenon poses the question; how exactly do we connect with others in such a fast-paced world? Black Eyed Peas can sing us a song. It was difficult, but Ive stopped chewing gum now. 75.) Then it hit me. I dont know, and I dont care. I tried to do my homework but my pencil broke, so it was pointless. Rad-ish. Its like this surprise gift you get when returning from school. 46 Hilarious Cleans Puns - Punstoppable He's all right now. Have you heard about corduroy pillows?Theyre making headlines. Trying to write some clean jokes about bowling balls. Moses was once a basket case! Ill let you know which comes first. If one doesnt land, just move on to the next one because thats the beauty of the one-liner, good or bad: Its over before you know it. What do you call a bundle of hay in a church? Nacho cheese! ", and off he goes to the town, to buy himself a holiday. Never, under any circumstances, combine a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night. I didnt know it was on fire. Whenever I undress in the bathroom my shower gets turned on. Did you hear about the paddle sale at the boat store?It was quite an oar deal. 83. 53. 55.) 14. 30.) But, the day before was a sadder day. Beef jerky. What did the duck say when she bought lipstick? Broken puppets for sale no strings attached. As such, weve curated some of the most rib-cracking one-liner jokes for your entertainment. A palm tree. Nonethats a hardware issue. Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was a-salted. I can always tell when my wife is lying by looking at her. 58.) 32.) Why did the employee get fired from the calendar factory? Theres no better feeling in the world than being able to tell jokes that break the ice or make people of any age smile.

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